My walls make me stronger

Through my few years on this universal rotating mass of rock and metal , I have never really had many surprises, weather they be good or bad. I actually can’t think of a single surprise that I have ever received that has made itself memorable. In all honesty I hold most  people in such low regard that they never surprise me with anything.

I have seen though that life if the best at giving a sucker punch to the unsuspecting victims. Its for that very reason that I have always lived by my code and its kept me far away from all the sucker punches and drama that I see so many people fall victim to on a daily basis.

I have built walls around me for so many years now that I doubt that I know how to do anything other than build walls and push away. Its while these last 2 weeks have come as such an interesting surprise to me. Now when I say interesting in this context, the only interesting thing about this whole situation is that I did not see this one coming.

I had a friend that I was very close to, dare I say it that I might have even toyed with the idea of thinking that we could have become more than friends. I introduced her to some of my other friends including a good friend of mine that was seeing someone important to me.

So this close friend of mine spent a lot of time talking and sharing thoughts, some thoughts that I could never share with most of my friends. What I liked a lot about our thought sharing process is that she came at it from her religious point of view and all though we both have the same fundamental religious views, she was by far the more religious one between the two of us.

Imagine my surprise when finding out that this religious close friend of mine has become the centre of the biggest scandal that I could have been faced with so far. What makes it frustrating is that I did not see this one happening. My friend who had been with my important person for a long while just leaves and  next thing I hear is that he is with my now ex-close friend. Leaving behind a wake of chaos in definitely some hurt feelings etc for the parties involved.

Personally I am not hurt or sad or angry. People are calling my once close friends names such as  harlot, whore, slut, cow etc and in fairness I can understand exactly why such harsh names are being thrown around. However I have no such names to throw around. The word that comes to my is `lost`. I say lost because everything that was told to me in confidence is completely opposite than what has happened in reality.

In truth I hope that they are both happy even after the chaos caused. But from my experiences in life, nothing ever good comes from things that have been started thru chaos and grief. Unfortunately people don’t ever change. They cannot change who they are and in the end the true character will push through and more chaos will follow.

It is through the experiences such as this one that I have realised that most emotional connections to people are not only pointless but also a weakness. And its because of the walls that I have been able to go through this situation without pain or suffering.

Loosing a close friend did not even make me blink twice , cutting her out of my life was easier than cutting bread. Cutting him out was even easier because he hadn’t meant anything to me from the start and I knew that he was trouble from the day we first met – it was unfortunate that when I advised that important person not to pursue that path, that my advice was not heard.

Unfortunately hiding your true nature from me is very difficult. I truly hope that one day I will meet the person that would cherish the trust and attention I give them. Because I know that I will treat that person like a queen for the rest of her life. She just needs to be willing to talk a chance with the hard old king like me.

I am 25

Its crazy to think that I have already travelled a quarter of my journey through this world and yet it feels like I have not completed much in my first 25 years. I remember just finishing high school at 18 and thinking that 25 was a long long time ago. In truth when you are 18 you are basically only living for that magical 21 – which when it came thru was in no way any more or less special that my previous 20 birthdays.

It was also around that time of my life that I realised why I chose my carear path. Money. I am in no way materialistic and in all honestly if I had the choice of paying R300 for a collared work shirt at a high end fashion shop or R50 at a stall in China Town , I will 98% of the time  go for the China Town knock off and wear it proudly. In honestly I can say that I have a good corporate dress sense (this being confirmed by the numerous compliments that I get) and funny enough I am one of those guys that either dresses like I’m going for a job interview every time I leave my place else I am dressed like a bum.

In the same breath, I can honestly sit here and say that one of the biggest reasons why I chose this carear path is because it pays well. Apart from the fact that I am stimulated on a daily basis ( something that is a must) and I love seeing people use the applications that I have created (little ego trip lol) – which are all reasons why I do what I do, I did it for the money and the freedom.

By freedom I mean that because of my qualifications, I have the option to be able to just pack up and leave, jump ship and plant my feet on a new continent if my heart said I should go. There are of coarse things that keep me here such as family, friends but at the same time there are days where I would like nothing more than to pack up and leave this place – maybe one day self , maybe one day….

You are not materialistic , so why do you want money? Its an easy answer to give once you think about it. Money gives me the freedom to experience life. In one word, you could say its greed, but its not the kind of greed where I want to own everything and everyone – no , its the kind of greed where I want to own as many memories and experiences that I can collect over the 75 years of my life.

I want to visit places and feed the wanderlust within me, and I plan on doing it one day with  my special person – where ever she may be. Sitting still has never been a quality that I have had.

I was chatting to a very close friend of mine the other night, and she said something that stuck with me. She said that was it really worth it , working so hard in your youth ? And my response was according to my own goal orientated objectives. I said yes , if we can use our energy when we are young to create something so that we can enjoy ourselves more when we are older. What I should have said was, work hard now , save up and plan a trip of a life time. Make sure you find out what and were you want to go. Then when you have saved enough for a start, you book your ticket and you go. Work hard but play harder – but also learn how to play while working hard. Save for 6 months and go on a trip.

Im starting to think that my new goal should be to try get small, memorable vacations in every 6 months (if not sooner).

Go forth in peace and prosperity.

I want a NICE guy, but not YOU.

Greetings Internet, apologies for such a prolonged time between posts, I was busy trading blows with life and just did not have time to share my thoughts. Throughout the last few months I’ve had to deal with the same recurring theme, not just with me and my personal experiences but of those close to me as well, this of course provoked me into thinking long and hard about all of this, and this is what I have concluded.

The topic is simple : “Why do girls never notice that the guy they have always wanted, is the very guy that they push into the famous ‘FRIENDZONE'”.

This is unfortunately a place that I know quite well from my personal experiences and the fact that I am `Sapiosexual` (One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature) and `Demisexual` (A person that does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone) does not always help my cause because I will always try to get to know a girl before I try to get more serious , usually by the time I realise that I am attracted to her, I’m already boxed in the friend-zone.

Im sure that most of us have during our time on this floating rock have heard this phrase before. It’s an ironic dilemma that I find most `nice` guys face on a regular basis. From my personal experiences in life , it’s happened to me countless times. You go out with friends and within your friends group is someone who you see as a little more special than the rest and then they come out with this beauty “All I want is a nice guy that I can count on” and you stare into their eyes and you just think “I am that nice guy , all you need to do is open your eyes” .

Girls are very interesting creatures and I have slowly come to the realisation that girls are a lot more picky when it comes to finding a partner than us guys . Yeah sure , guys all have their own tastes, likes, dislikes and attractions and we do generally stick to them. but at the same time, I know a lot of guys (including myself) that don’t really care in the end what she looks like or how many boxes she tics for us because I believe in the end guys just all want that one girl who understands them more than anything. And this of course goes without saying that I don’t speak about `players` , assholes and pricks who only want one thing from girls – the way i see it : if you are consciously going out and using a person for only one thing, and you know that it might hurt them in the end – well then congratulations because you are an asshole.

I often find myself wondering in sleepless nights, how many times girls get themselves hurt because they took the wrong option, they take the guy that seems cool and wild and fun with that carefree attitude and that YOLO word comes to mind , instead of the nice guy that is relaxed, caring, thoughtful and always there for you. And in the end the ironic thing is that when that wild guy ends up dropping you for someone else and you are hurt and need to have someone put you back together again, it’s the nice guy that sits there next to you – feeling your pain and thinking to himself “I would never have done this to you”.

I have always been of the belief that there is no such thing as a plutonic relationship. The only way it actually works is when the guy is gay and then is it still really plutonic in this case? In all honesty girls , if a guy is kind towards you and caring, even maybe slightly protective over you – he is not trying to be your best friend, he is trying to show you that he wants to be your everything, and I know the retort from the girl’s camp is going to be something like “Why does he not say something” , and my reply is simple – he does , everyday when he is there `watching your back` , he is not only saying something – he is showing you , he is showing you that he won’t go anywhere. And he probably won’t ever say anything because girls have this wonderful way of saying something in-between the lines , you know it we all know it, a line that follows something like this – “How have I been so lucky to have a ‘FRIEND’ like you?” or something of that sorts (there are millions of ways to say it).

My best advice that I can give to the ladies out there, its simple – if you have that ‘FRIEND’ guy in your life (I’m sure a name just popped up) and you are tired of being hurt by assholes and people that leave you when you need them most, take a closer look at this guy and you will realise that your knight in shining armour , that nice guy that you pray for and always wished for has always been there , you just threw him in the friend’s zone.

Go forth in peace and prosperity.

Living , is this it ?

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions” – Dalai Lama

After a hectic 2 weeks , I have finally found some spare time to write. Apologies for taking my time on writing my next article.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the most enjoyable thing to do for me is to find a  nice quiet spot in a coffee shop, in a busy mall and just watching the people as they scurry about doing their things. I have always found that everyone has this attitude of  “My life and the things that I do are more important that what you do”. This attitude I believe chips away at our feeling of community and it can be present all over.

To give you the a quick and easy example , I have a friend who is a nursery school teacher, and she lives life proud and loud but can be one of the most judgemental people that I  can think of – especially when we talk about our careers . ( Now before we continue – I don’t believe in one job / career being more important than another, everybody should do the things that they love doing and the rest will work themselves out) however it grinds my gears when I hear my friend complaining about some or other little one that did this or that and how her job is this and that and I am sitting here going – er I face this or that thing on a daily basis with clients / colleagues and her immediate reaction would be to write off what you said.

Situations like that got me thinking about my own life and the things I do that I believe is the key to my personal happiness and enjoyment of life. I wake up with a smile on my face and go to work more than willing, I don’t get Monday blues and I don’t live my week for Friday. ( And for those wondering , I work in IT and spend my day behind screens 24/7)

In the same breath I can say that I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or have one night stands either or any of that other wise “YOLO” bull that I hear everyone refer to. In my opinion saying “YOLO” just before doing something is finding a cheap ass excuse to do something that we both know is a stupid idea and you are going to regret it when you are done with it.

What is my path to happiness , well that is easy . 3 things that I do on a daily basis that I think is all we need:

1. Wake up with thankful heart – Life is not a given , it is a privilege and a gift to be able to wake up in the morning and face a new day, especially if we think about it – there is no guarantee that we will wake up tomorrow

2. Have a serving attitude – We need to learn how to serve before we can lead. A true leader, be it a captain of a sports team or a manager in a corporation should always be the tip of the ‘spear’ holding onto his team members as they tackle a problem together. To lead , is to serve.

3. Make someone else’s day special – There is nothing more pleasing than to do something for someone else especially when they are not able to pay it back. Learn to be able to do something for someone else and not expect something in return. I read an interesting quote the other day and the author’s name escapes my mind, however I do remember the quote,“People will forget what you did and what you said, however they will never forget how you made them feel”

Now don’t get me wrong , I won’t stand here and say that if you follow these above guidelines that you will be happy every day for the rest of your life. I do have off days like everyone else and having a bad day is a easy as catching a cold or breaking a nail, though I do believe that these guidelines will help you have more good days than bad days, and that in itself is all we should just strive for.

I hope that we as a species will learn to appreciate each other and learn to respect each other for our differences and not fear that which is different in another person.

Go forth in peace and prosperity

 

Being Happy

“Happiness often sneaks in a door you did not think was Open” – John Barrymore

Im writing this article a little late this week as work and life did not give me a time a
little earlier . However , when waking up this morning – I came to hear the sad news
about Robin Williams. Now I am not a movie guru and I could not sit here and mention to
you every act that Robin was in, though I do remember him in the movies that I have watched
and he stands out most for me in Patch Adams.

No I am not writing a tribute to Robin as I am sure there will be 100 other tributes for
him that would be better, but I do want to touch on something that does touch closer to
my heart …. Depression …..

Over the last 4 years it is something that has been close to my heart as a subject. I had
a fiance and things didn’t work out and we ended up splitting our ways. However before
splitting up , I tried my best to keep us together and to fight for us, however it came at
a great cost – it drained me emotionally , which is hard to believe especially as I don’t
share much with people and I don’t ever share with anyone anymore .

That emotional drain, left me in a very dark place and though I never tried to do something
extreme such as ending things, I did have those dark thoughts. And there were days where
trying to get out of bed was as difficult for me as trying to pick up a 100 kg dumbbell.

Trying to explain to you depression is something that is as difficult as trying to explain
to a blind person how the colour blue looks like. I am very fortunate though, because even
though I never spoke about my feelings to my best friend, he picked up and I am sure in his
heart he knew that I was not 100% and he just pushed me and pushed me into new things.

I can sit here today and say that for now I am in a good place, those dark thoughts don’t
ever leave you – though I know now how to deal with them. The trick – in my personal
option is to find something positive , be it a small thing such as an idea or a sport
or a goal and dedicate yourself to that 100%, no matter how difficult it may feel today.

Take things day by day and push yourself to that thing, that lifeline and claw your way
through it. And find someone and be open with them, it doesn’t have to be a parent or
family member, but just one person to help you keep motivation when you feel you are
slipping down that lifeline.

For those of you who need to talk to someone, here is a list of help lines available to you
: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines and for my fellow South
Africans : http://www.sadag.org/

On a lighter note – the English Premier League is starting in 5 days and I am completely
stoked. I love the game and I love the emotions that the game brings with it
the anxiety , nervousness , excitement, happiness and yes sometimes sadness.

Until next time , I wish you all peace and prosperity

R.I.P – Robin Williams

Rainbow’s

Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud – Maya Angelou

 

This morning , I sat in traffic as any Monday – aircon on , coffee steaming and  radio blazing when I looked up and saw in my rear-view mirror, not one smile. People throwing more hand signals than a traffic cop and speaking more french than the french themselves. I sat there wondering in the middle of traffic rolling along listening to the hoots and honks of those agressions on the road, remembering the road rage incidents of the past week that had sprung to the media’s attention. I remember thinking that most of us have a daily moment in our car where we have unleashed our tempers upon the sorry soul in front of us. I wonder if we have ever heard ourselves speak in those situations?

I am no different and I know I have my very own temper problem, and who could blame me , being European – we have been know to have a temper and I am no different. Though I have decided to stay 30 days without loosing my wits in my car and to be patient . If you are worried about being late for work, well then leave earlier – take the responisbility of trying to make someone smile for a change instead of trying to teach them a new way to go to hell.

I know that in my office , most people look at me and probably think im the office clown, but I can ensure you that those are the very same people that leave the office smiling because I made an effort to make them laugh. I am not a morning person and I hate getting out of bed daily , though I love my gym and my training and thats why I do it , but in doing so I had decided that I will make one person smile per day .
Its for that very reason that Im asking you to make someone’s day on a daily basis – let us see how many smiles we can make happen, lets share this challenge with our families and colleagues.

laugh , love , smile