My walls make me stronger

Through my few years on this universal rotating mass of rock and metal , I have never really had many surprises, weather they be good or bad. I actually can’t think of a single surprise that I have ever received that has made itself memorable. In all honesty I hold most  people in such low regard that they never surprise me with anything.

I have seen though that life if the best at giving a sucker punch to the unsuspecting victims. Its for that very reason that I have always lived by my code and its kept me far away from all the sucker punches and drama that I see so many people fall victim to on a daily basis.

I have built walls around me for so many years now that I doubt that I know how to do anything other than build walls and push away. Its while these last 2 weeks have come as such an interesting surprise to me. Now when I say interesting in this context, the only interesting thing about this whole situation is that I did not see this one coming.

I had a friend that I was very close to, dare I say it that I might have even toyed with the idea of thinking that we could have become more than friends. I introduced her to some of my other friends including a good friend of mine that was seeing someone important to me.

So this close friend of mine spent a lot of time talking and sharing thoughts, some thoughts that I could never share with most of my friends. What I liked a lot about our thought sharing process is that she came at it from her religious point of view and all though we both have the same fundamental religious views, she was by far the more religious one between the two of us.

Imagine my surprise when finding out that this religious close friend of mine has become the centre of the biggest scandal that I could have been faced with so far. What makes it frustrating is that I did not see this one happening. My friend who had been with my important person for a long while just leaves and  next thing I hear is that he is with my now ex-close friend. Leaving behind a wake of chaos in definitely some hurt feelings etc for the parties involved.

Personally I am not hurt or sad or angry. People are calling my once close friends names such as  harlot, whore, slut, cow etc and in fairness I can understand exactly why such harsh names are being thrown around. However I have no such names to throw around. The word that comes to my is `lost`. I say lost because everything that was told to me in confidence is completely opposite than what has happened in reality.

In truth I hope that they are both happy even after the chaos caused. But from my experiences in life, nothing ever good comes from things that have been started thru chaos and grief. Unfortunately people don’t ever change. They cannot change who they are and in the end the true character will push through and more chaos will follow.

It is through the experiences such as this one that I have realised that most emotional connections to people are not only pointless but also a weakness. And its because of the walls that I have been able to go through this situation without pain or suffering.

Loosing a close friend did not even make me blink twice , cutting her out of my life was easier than cutting bread. Cutting him out was even easier because he hadn’t meant anything to me from the start and I knew that he was trouble from the day we first met – it was unfortunate that when I advised that important person not to pursue that path, that my advice was not heard.

Unfortunately hiding your true nature from me is very difficult. I truly hope that one day I will meet the person that would cherish the trust and attention I give them. Because I know that I will treat that person like a queen for the rest of her life. She just needs to be willing to talk a chance with the hard old king like me.